Pop goes the weasel

My daughter (again) did not go to bed happily tonight. She's been crying and screaming for the past 15 minutes or so because she wants us to keep coming in to put her blankie back on her just so (it has to cover her hand, her sippy, her baby, and her cat in the hat stuffed toy up to his red bow). She then takes it back off and cries for us again. So we stopped answering her call. She's tired and needs to sleep....

But now she has stopped crying, and I hear in a sad voice, "Pop goes the weasel. Pop goes the weasel. Pop goes the weasel." We've been singing this all day, and both she and her baby sister have loved anticipating the "pop" at the end of the rhyme. Perhaps she's now trying to revisit the happy moments of the day, back when her mommy and daddy cared about her and didn't ignore her and make her go to bed by herself....

To my darling girl

Happy 6-month birthday, Carys. Mommy loves you!

Six months ago

Six months ago today I checked in at the hospital and waited around for the staff to find a labor and delivery room for me because so many other moms were about to welcome their little ones into the world. I'd been having semi-regular contractions for a couple of days and then gone to a regular appointment that morning and found out I was 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced. I'd gone home, eaten lunch, put Ashlinn down for a nap, painted my toe nails, rocked, and counted minutes between contractions. Six hours or so later, I felt my blood pressure rising and knew I needed to go to the hospital. I'd planned to stop and get my favorite burrito before heading to the hospital because I knew they wouldn't let me eat until I'd given birth--and the last time around I'd gone 30-something hours without food, thanks to that fasting policy. But, when it really came down to it, I just wanted to get to the hospital because I was getting scared about my blood pressure rising so high.

A half-hour or so after I checked in at the hospital, I was in agony. My contractions were close together and sharper than anything I'd ever felt. I was dilated to 6 and still debating whether to take pain medications. I ended up with some systemic drugs and then an epidural later on. At 2 a.m., Carys Lorien arrived. Of course, we didn't name her until the next day, but that's another story...

I can't believe it's been 6 months. The first few months dragged by. I seriously lived in a fog of sleeplessness and chaos. Each day was an eternity, and I thought I'd never make it to this point. But here I am, 6 months into life with two little girls, and I don't know where the time went.

Tomorrow I will introduce Carys to baby oatmeal, her first "meal" of solid food. She's shown a lot of interest in our food lately, so I think she'll really like it. But we'll see.... It's hard to believe we've reached the point of offering her solids. She army crawls and sits by herself for a few seconds at a time. She has one tooth and is working on the next one. And she's recently learned how to do raspberries. She's getting to be such a big girl....

Silly girl

Ashlinn went to bed quite late this evening (like a couple minutes ago) and was pretty silly as we were tucking her in.

"Goodnight, Sweetheart, I love you," I said.

"Love you, Mop," she said.

"Mop?! I'm not Mop. I'm Mommy," I said.

"You ARE Mop," she said.

Then I asked for a kiss and she licked me.

Remind me to get her to bed earlier tomorrow night!

Only a toddler

Not only have we thanked God for boogers during our nightly prayers, but now we've also thanked Him for our poop. Lovely.... But I guess we really should be thankful for all things, right?

Sick again

We've officially caught our...what, fourth cold of the season? And this time it's hit me the hardest. I need my mommy....

Mood ring, anyone?

"Mommy, I love you," Ashlinn said to me this morning out of the blue.

"Aww..." I said and then snuggled up close to her on the bed.

"No! Don't lay by me, Mom!" she said.

What a sweetheart

Ashlinn put her arms around my legs yesterday and said, "Here, Mommy, let me hold you."

On grace...

God's grace is sufficient. Sometimes I need a reminder that this is true. I'm not very good with this grace business, especially when I'm applying it to myself. Even when God says I'm forgiven, I continue to feel guilty. Even when God says I'm precious, I continue to feel unworthy. Even when God says I'm beautiful, I continue to feel blemished. Not all the time, of course--but often enough. But God's grace is sufficient. I need to remember that.

I'm just proud of my kid....

I recently overheard a discussion about parents who share stories about their kids' accomplishments and ...brag... about their kids' abilities. One person said that she thought it was distasteful to talk up her kids to other people, and another person talked about a friend of hers who always seems to put down one kid to praise another kid for his accomplishments. This made me wonder....

I share stories about Ashlinn's newest achievements all the time. I tell my husband, the grandparents, friends with kids, friends without kids--pretty much anyone who seems interested to any degree. I don't mean to brag about my little girl. I really don't. I don't think she's smarter, more capable, more whatever than your kid. I mean, I do think she's advanced, but I probably think your kid is advanced too. I don't share my stories of her accomplishments and latest and greatest abilities to imply that she's better than other kids in any way. I'm just amazed by her; that's all. I'm amazed by other kids too. I just think toddlers and preschoolers are amazing on the whole.

But I hope I'm not offending people by doing this. I'm just proud of my kid. I like to talk about her and her amazingness. But I'm proud of your kid too, and I want to hear your stories too.

Things I love about being a mommy

I love watching my 2-year-old make my 6-month-old laugh and vice versa.

I love how sweet my 2-year-old is with her sister and how she always wants to kiss her and hug her and share her toys with her.

I love seeing my 6-month-old grab her feet.

I love that she is such a smiley girl but that most of the smiles are for mommy.

I love falling asleep with her in my arms at night.

I love listening to my 2-year-old sing by herself (if I try to sing along, she usually stops singing). Her usual favorite is "Itsy bitsy spider," but this morning she was singing "You are my sunshine."

I love reading books with her and hearing her "read" the pages she's memorized in her favorite books.

I absolutely love standing back and watching in awe when she learns something new, which is constantly. I'm around her all day long, and she seriously amazes me all the time with her vocabulary and skills. Not that I think she's more advanced than other kids.... It's just amazing to see her learn new concepts so quickly and so often.

I love when she says "Thank you, mommy" on her own after I give her something.

I love watching her when she's playing by herself and using her imagination.

I love it when she brings me pretend water in her play cups and puts pretend pepper in it. For some reason, she thinks that peppered water is the best thing out there.

I love seeing seeing her play rough with her daddy, who can make her giggle more than anyone else.

Baby's first tooth

My 5 1/2-month old's first tooth poked through the other day, and I'm pretty sure the next one is working on coming in too. She's been crabby all day, and I feel bad for her. In fact, I think I'm having sympathy pains for her, because my teeth have been killing me all day too (thanks to sinus pressure). I'm not sure I'm ready to lose her toothless grin. I guess I'd better start taking a bunch of pictures so I can remember what she looked like before you could see her teeth.

No-nap day

Today is probably going to be a no-nap day for Ashlinn. She's been in her crib since 12:40 and has spent the past hour talking and playing with her baby dolls and stuffed animal friends. We need to leave to meet some friends at 3:15, which is an hour and a half off. And she's showing no signs of falling asleep anytime soon.

At least she's not screaming though.... I'm glad she's not repeating yesterday's act (yet, anyway)!

You know you have a 2-year-old when...

Wow, my daughter just threw the biggest fit of her life thus far. She didn't want to take a nap, apparently. So she kicked and screamed in her bed for an hour until she finally fell asleep. She was practically hyperventilating, and she kept yelling for help with her blankie. But ever time I tried to fix her blankie, she screamed even louder. I have no idea how exactly she wanted her blankie fixed, but I wasn't doing it properly. I brought her out to give her a drink of milk and rock her a little in hopes of calming her down at one point, but it only made it worse. She was so upset and beyond exhausted. She kept screaming, "I don't want to go to sleep, I don't want to go to sleep!"

Of course, she also woke up her sister just as she was drifting off to sleep, so then I had two screaming children to deal with.... Soooooo much fun. Now they are both finally asleep, and I'm trying to relax so my blood pressure can go down. I think I'll go see about some ice cream....

32 valentines

I haven't found them all yet, but my husband wrote out 32 Dr. Seuss valentines for me and hid them around the house. I've found 23 of them so far, and each one has brought a smile to my face. It's one of the sweetest things he's done for me. :)

Llama drama

Our new favorite book is Llama Llama Mad at Mama, by Anna Dewdney. My mom recently introduced us to this book and its counterpart, Llama Llama Red Pajama. In each of these books, the little llama throws some sort of fit and gets a stern talking-to from his llama mama and then a tender reminder that his llama mama loves him so much and is always there for him. The whole book is told in rhymes, but they aren't cliche rhymes. The illustrations are cute and well done, and I love the way the little llama's ears show his expressions like a person's eyebrows tend to do.

I highly recommend these books. Ashlinn and I have read them several times each day since we acquired them last weekend, and I foresee us continuing to read them frequently in the future. Ashlinn has already memorized many of the lines, so I let her help me read them, and it's really cute hearing her say them.

If you have little kids at home, you should check them out!

One of those days

Today was one of those days where I couldn't wait to get my 2-year-old to bed, and then she fought it like crazy. She's exhausted, I'm exhausted, and I need just a little bit of time to myself. It's not that she's been horrible or anything today, but she's been exhausting and needy. I love her to death, but I hope she sleeps in 'til at least 8:30 tomorrow. She needs the extra sleep, and so do I.

Where has the time gone?

It's hard for me to believe that my sweet little girl will be 6 months in just a couple of weeks. On the one hand, it's been a really long 6 months; yet, now that I look back on it, it's whooshed by in a haze. She's growing so fast. She not only rolls all over the place, but she scoots on her tummy and will probably start crawling sometime in the next month. She's almost ready to start eating solids too.

Sitting here thinking about it, I feel kind of sad. In many ways, I've just been hanging on and trying to cope these past few months. It really has been a haze. Of course, I have enjoyed her and I've spent a lot of time playing with her and singing to her and giving her tons and tons of snuggles and kisses. I carry her close to me much of the time, since she's often in my mei tai when we're out and about and even some when we're home. I love her with all my heart. But I've just not been everything I had hoped I would be for her.

I've been with her almost every moment of her life, but I feel like I've somehow missed out on some of her first 5 months. I feel guilty that I've wished for her to grow faster at times so that she and Ashlinn can play together more and she won't need me constantly quite so much. Of course, I've also wished she would stay little for much longer at times too. I just wish I never had to deal with this postpartum depression and anxiety and could instead feel normal and happy ALL of the time. I'm sure it's more of a haze with the second child anyway, especially if the first child is still a toddler when the second one comes along and so much is being demanded of you when you are so tired and feel like you have nothing left to give, but I feel guilty that this disorder has clouded some of my baby's first few months.

The case of the black specks

The other day, I noticed a whole bunch of black specks on the floor between my kitchen sink and a set of drawers under a counter. I thought it was odd but swept them up and went about my day. Later that night, I found another pile of black specks in the same spot and asked my husband to investigate what they were and where they were coming from. Well, we still haven't figured out what they are, but they keep coming back every time I sweep them up.

I can't tell if they are some sort of insect poop or maybe insect eggs or if they are little specks of wood coming from termites or something. They are all about the same size and shape though, so I don't think they are specks of wood. And I don't think they are live bugs, because they don't move. I tried searching for some sort of clue online, but it's hard to find the right keywords to describe what I'm looking for. We sprayed Raid in the drawers and along the baseboard area last night, but alas--they still keep coming back.

Any ideas what we are dealing with?

More bed-time drama

Last night, we had some friends over when we put Ashlinn to bed, so she was especially unhappy to be leaving the group to go to sleep. After whining and hollering and talking and playing for about a half-hour, she started yelling for a new diaper. So my husband went in to check on her.

"You need a new diaper?" he asked, as he started to unzip her crib tent and get her out.

"No, baby needs a new diaper," she replied.

Yes, that's right. Her baby doll needed a new diaper. See, I told you she was good at coming up with excuses to draw out the bed-time process.

Yoga mama part II

Okay, so there's a big difference between me doing yoga and the woman on the DVD doing yoga--and it's not just the fact that she's been doing it for more than 30 years and I've been doing it for 3 days. She's also doing said exercises on a deck on a secluded beach, and I am doing them on the hardwood floor of my living room with my toddler running around singing or sitting on my stomach. There's really nothing relaxing or peaceful about my environment, and I want to laugh when the instructor says something like, "Focus on your breathing, hear the gentle whoosh at the back of your throat." Um, sorry, I can't hear it over the child screaming "Mommmmmmy" next to me.

Ashlinn loves her yoga mat and loves watching the DVD with me. She likes the idea of exercising with Mommy. But she doesn't like me actually lying down on my mat or closing my eyes. She thinks we should just sit on our mats and watch the DVD like a movie--preferably with a snack in hand. I have to admit that it is a pretty good comedy, thanks to the irony of the situation....

Yay for a book launch party!

Last night we attended a book launch party for a friend of mine whom I used to work with (and go to school with before that). It was fun to be at a literary event, sip hot chocolate, listen to live music and a reading from the book, and visit with two couples we'd never met before. We brought Carys with us (she hung out in the mei tai and stared at the ceiling fan for half of it), but it was almost like a date and we actually talked to adults who were our age. Yay for book launching parties! And yay for Jill for writing and publishing her book. I can't wait to read it.

I can't imagine

We visited a friend of ours last night who has stage 4 metastatic cancer. He seemed to be in good spirits and loved playing with the kids, and we enjoyed the visit too, but I just couldn't help feeling a little sad when we left. His wife sends updates every day or couple days, and I know that things aren't going well and he is in constant pain. I just can't imagine being in either of their places. I can't imagine knowing that my days were numbered like that, but I especially can't imagine watching my husband go through that. And yet, none of us knows how long we will live on this earth or what we will encounter while we are here.... It just brings home the knowledge that we should live every moment as though it were our last....

I have all I need

Today was a particularly rough day for me, anxiety-wise, and I told my husband just a couple hours ago that I really need a vacation. I love my girls, but they are demanding and I feel worn out. I need just a little bit of peace and quiet...

And then I went and read this, and it put it all back into perspective for me. It was the most beautiful birth story I've ever read, and it reminded me to always treasure the gifts that my girls are--even when I'm tired and worn out, stressed or unsure of how I will get through. I am so blessed to have them, and I absolutely love being their mommy.

We've lost Brown Bear

Sadly, our copy of Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? seems to have gone missing. We looked all over for it this evening--on the book shelf, in the shoe box, on the toy shelf, under the toy shelf, in Mommy and Daddy's room, in Ashlinn's room, in Ashlinn's crib, under the couches, and in a host of other places--but it was nowhere to be found. At one point, Ashlinn insisted it was in the garage. I kept telling her that I didn't think it was, but finally I humored her and went out to check. She said it was by the dryer, so I looked there. But I didn't find it. Then she said it was inside the washing machine. I told her it would probably not still be readable if it were inside the washing machine....

And so we had to settle for reading Panda Bear, Panda Bear, What Do You See? instead. We hadn't read it lately, but Ashlinn actually remembered and told me the names of the animals on each of the pages. My personal favorite was "whooping crane," which sounds like "whipping cream" when she says it. So cute!

Anyway, hopefully we'll find Brown Bear soon. Maybe he's hiding in the car....

Thank God for boogers

Yes, that's right. The other night, Ashlinn thanked God for her boogers while we were praying before bed. I almost choked trying to hold back my laughter. Ever since we got sick a few weeks ago, she's been quite obsessed with picking her nose and talking about boogers. Every time I see her with her fingers in her nose, I tell her to please take her fingers out of her nose and that she can only get her boogers out with a kleenex. Now I just have to tell her to take her fingers out of her nose, and she'll beat me to the last part and say, "Only with a kleenex!" in this triumphant voice, as if she remembered all on her own. Of course, she never does use a kleenex. Disgusting, I know. I guess it comes with the territory of raising a 2-year-old.

Minimum standards

This evening, we had barbecued hamburgers for dinner. We cut up some hamburger and put it on Ashlinn's tray with some ketchup and a little bit of lettuce and bread. She ate all of the ketchup and lettuce, some of the bread, and no hamburger. Then she wanted out of her high chair.

I've been trying to teach her that she must eat at least one bite of everything I put on her tray, so I told her she needed to pick a piece of hamburger to eat before I let her up. She promptly picked up a piece maybe twice the size of a grain of salt and put it in her mouth. Does that really count as a bite?