Yoga mama

I ordered a "Yoga for Beginners" DVD the other day and went out and bought two yoga mats last night. We'll see how I do with this, but I'm hoping that it will help me relax a little bit and break down some of the muscle tension I seem to carry around constantly. I actually noticed a difference in my anxiety level when we had a lot of rain a couple weeks ago and we didn't get to take our daily walks. So, hopefully this will help me keep my anxiety in check when I don't get the chance to get outside.

No need for veggies?

Ashlinn was cooking some play food for me this afternoon, and I asked for some peas to go with my pasta. She looked around the couch to see if she had any handy, and when she didn't find some, she announced, "You don't need any peas, it's okay."

I'm sure she wishes I were more lenient when serving her real food... Veggies are not her favorite thing to eat these days. Yesterday, I told her she needed to eat one more bite of broccoli before I gave her more raisins. She reluctantly put a bite in her mouth and then spit it out. "Uh oh, it fell," she told me. Such a sneaky little girl...

Unfortunately for her, I told her it was still good and she still had to eat it before getting more raisins. She cried, but I finally got her to eat half of the bite. Gone are the days when peas were her favorite food and she actually got the recommended amount of veggies each day. Now it's all about the pasta and cheese and raisins!

Am I hanging on for no reason?

I have been struggling lately with the decision of whether to quit working or not. I only work a little bit each week, and I do everything from home. Usually I work during nap times and on weekends and sometimes in the evenings when my husband is home and can help with the kids. It's not a lot, but it's enough to make things hectic at times.

I want to keep working because I feel like it's the one thing I do that isn't about the kids. It's something I'm good at on my own and has nothing to do with being a mommy. Also, it makes me feel like I'm contributing to our family's income. I know that I'm contributing a lot just by staying home with our kids and taking care of them and the house, but it's still hard for me to get over the block in my mind. I know that what I do has great value, and I would never think this way about anyone else who stays home with their kids and doesn't work, but I just feel like I have to prove myself or something... And I also want to keep my foot in the door and my resume up to date for if and when I do go back to work, although I don't see myself doing that full-time for a quite a while.

But are those good enough reasons to keep this up?

I'm barely bringing in any money and I'm raising the stress level in my house. I'm pretty sure my husband is beginning to resent it, and that makes me sad. But I don't know what to do. I keep thinking that it will get easier, but I don't know if that's true or not. I hate to keep it up if I don't have my husband's support. And yet, I still have such a hard time letting it go...

Watching baby play

I'm sitting here watching my 5-month-old play on her blanket in the living room. She starts off lying on her back but rolls to her tummy so swiftly that you would think she'd been rolling like that all of her life. She has soft squishy blocks spread out around the edges of the blanket, and she reaches out to grab two of them and bring them to her mouth. She squeals and gnaws on one one and then reaches out for the other.

Only recently has she played so well on her own (for a few minutes, anyway). Only recently has she really started grabbing for toys intentionally instead of just happening to hit them as she flails her arms. It's pretty amazing to watch her develop. I predict she'll be crawling sometime in the next 2 months. She already brings her knees up and puts her bum in the air as if she's trying to figure out how to get into the crawling position. She's a bright little girl, and I'm sure she can't wait to be doing all of the fun things she sees her sister doing all the time.

Thank God for sunshine!

I have no right to complain about the rain we've had this past week and a half. After all, I live in Southern California, one of the warmest and driest parts of the country. And I have friends in Iowa and Chicago, who really know what winter is like. I also understand that we need all the rain we can get around these parts. So this is not a complaint.

But boy was it nice to have a day of sunshine again. It was great to get outside and back to our walks around the neighborhood, visit the park, and not have to turn the heater on inside. It was a gorgeous day by all accounts!

Especially with my battle with postpartum depression and anxiety, I really appreciate how mild of a winter we've had and how much sunshine and warmth we've had around here even through December and January. I don't know how long it will last, but I plan to take advantage of it as long as it lasts.

Threats from a 2-year-old

As I'm changing her diaper before her nap today, Ashlinn looks at me with a plotting grin and says, "I'm gonna poop again" in the same tone she uses to tell me that she's going to do something she knows she shouldn't. Gotta love threats from a 2-year-old.

Praise from a 2-year-old

"That was a good one, Mommy," Ashlinn said yesterday when I gave her a raspberry on her tummy.

Then, "She's a nice one," she said as she kissed her sister on the head. "She's a cute one, too."

Sometimes a 2-year-old's praise is the best kind you can receive.

Moms who do it all

I don't wear hats, but if I did wear one, I would tip it to the single mommies and other mommies who have no daily support and help at home. Being a mom is a lot of work, especially when you have babies and toddlers and they are sick or clingy all day. Getting up at night is exhausting, especially when you get up several times each night. Don't get me wrong--being a mom is wonderful, exciting, and full of joy. It's the best thing I've ever done and the most important role I've ever played. But it's not easy--and I have a husband who is involved with the kids when he is home.

So, to those of you who do it by yourself--whether you're truly raising your child(ren) alone, you're a military wife with a husband who is deployed, or the man in your life works extremely long hours--you have my admiration and respect. Your sacrifices are worth it!

And to all the other mommies: Your sacrifices are worth it too! I have to tell myself this from time to time, so I thought I'd tell you all too. :)

Little Miss Organized

This morning, Ashlinn had to have separate bowls for her cheerios, dried berries, and bagel piece. Apparently, she's against mixing food nowadays. She's also become a fan of sorting toys by color. I constantly find piles of red toys or blue toys in different containers, and she usually only builds with one color of blocks at a time.

She also spends most of her day moving different types of toys from one container to another container or spot in the house. She'll have her foam letters and numbers in the baby doll bed and then move them to the oven so that she can put her puzzle pieces in the baby bed. Then shee'll move her play food to the couch and then to a basket and then to her sister's bouncer seat. Then she'll put her baby in the bouncer seat and the play food in the block container.

I wonder if she'll stay this organized when she's older. If so, maybe she can be my personal coach!

Reasoning with a 2-year-old

Her: "We have to buy some more pizza, Mommy."

Me: "No, I don't think we do."

Her: "But we have to."

Me: "Why do we need more pizza?"

Her: "'Cause we do."

Daddy can fix anything

"Daddy'll make the rain stop," Ashlinn told me today. She was concerned that he would get wet when he came home from work, and she said we should get him a towel. But later she decided he would just stop the rain altogether. That's because Daddy can do anything.

Whenever a toy is broken or needs new batteries, Ashlinn declares that Daddy will fix it. The funny thing is that Daddy rarely actually does fix these toys, because he's so busy with other things. But Ashlinn knows that he can.

Daddy also kills ants, although she did tell me today that I should kill them. Of course, she then decided that they were nice ants because they could climb the shower wall. I guess Daddy won't need to kill them after all. It's a good thing too, since he might be kind of busy tonight stopping the rain.

What's behind door #1?

This morning, I let Ashlinn cry in her crib for a few minutes while I brushed my teeth and hair. When I opened her door, I found her with her pajamas off, her onesie unsnapped, and her diaper in her hand. At least it was just a wet one!

Okay, so not really quite on the mend yet

I guess we've relapsed and everyone is feeling rotten again. Ashlinn woke up at 6:30 this morning and has been whiny ever since, despite taking her usual nap this afternoon. She's coughing more, and her nose is back to running. Carys is about the same as before, and Caleb has a sore throat and a cough. I feel fairly well, but I hurt my back holding Carys on my chest all night and then hurt it more by using a massage pillow.

Can we be done yet?

On the mend

We've all been sick here for the past several days, but it looks like we're finally on the mend now. Last night both kids actually slept fairly well, after two nights of both being up most of the night. No one has a fever anymore, and the running noses are slowing to a walk. Yay! I can't wait for cold and flu season to be over.

It's interesting how much being sick changes when you're a parent. Instead of having a mommy to comfort you and make you chicken noodle soup and make sure you get enough to drink, you get to do the comforting and pretend you are feeling fine. You also don't get to sleep all day, which would be handy, since you're up most of the night with the little ones who don't feel well. And yet, you almost don't mind, because even though you don't feel great yourself, you'll do whatever it takes to make your children feel better. Seeing them miserable just breaks your heart.

But you still wish you could get a little more sleep....

The street musician

I read this article today about a famous violinist who played at a metro station in Washington, D.C. and went virtually unnoticed for the entire 45 minutes he was there. The article itself is extremely well-written and definitely worth the read. In fact, I believe it won a Pulitzer prize--and rightly so. I guess the Washington Post set up the whole scenario as a social experiment to see if people during rush hour would notice and appreciate beauty at an unlikely place. The answer: in short, not so much.

The violinist, Joshua Bell, played some of the most complex music ever written on an extremely expensive violin. He played 6 songs total in 45 minutes, and only 27 of the more-than-1,ooo people who walked by stopped for even a second. Only once did more than one person stop to listen at the same time. To everyone else, he was just your ordinary street musician making a lot of noise as they were heading to work. Then again, some people completely tuned him out as they hurried by and couldn't remember him being there at all.

I wonder what I would have done if I had been at the metro station that day. I'd like to think I would have stopped and sought out the source of the beautiful music. If I could spare the time, I think I would have stopped to listen and watch, eyes wide and ears open to music the likes of which I'm sure I'd never again hear in person. I read that tickets to see Bell perform live cost at least $100, and people respect him so much that they hold in their coughs until he ends his piece. And yet, he made a little less than $40 from all those who stopped to take note that day, and only one person recognized him near the end.

The point of the experiment and article was to explore whether people stop to take in the beauty around them or if they are too busy to be bothered by it. The old saying "Stop to smell the roses" comes to mind. Reading the article was a good reminder for me to stop and smell the roses, take in the beauty around me, and actually notice the people I come into contact with each day. I may not always know the significance of what I'm seeing or hearing or experiencing in the moment, but I'd hate to miss out on something grand because I wasn't paying attention

Why I co-sleep

It's kind of like being part of an underground cult--the co-sleeping cult. Mention that your child sleeps with you, and you're likely to get raised eyebrows in return. Your pediatrician will probably tell you that it's "not advisable" and that the safest place for a baby to sleep is on his or her back in a crib. Your neighbor will probably ask you how you know that you won't roll over onto your baby as you sleep, and your other neighbor will probably tell you that once you let your kid into your bed, you'll never get her out.

Actually, lots of people do co-sleep these days, and several doctors are for it. Some even say that it's safer then having your baby sleep by himself or herself in a crib and that babies who co-sleep usually grow into more independent children than those who sleep by themselves. I don't know if that's true or not, but I do know that it works best for my family.

I never planned to co-sleep. I figured that I would keep my babies in a bassinet and then move them into a crib maybe in my room for a while before moving them into their own room. I liked the idea of them being near me, where I could hear them and easily check on them. But I was too nervous to actually let them in my bed. As luck would have it, my first daughter was a super sleepy newborn and slept easily in her bassinet for her first 2 1/2 months of life. Then she stopped sleeping so well, and during a particularly difficult night around when she was about 3 months old, my husband suggested that we just bring her to bed with us for the rest of the night. And that was that. She spent almost the whole next year sleeping in my arms.

Co-sleeping was so easy in the beginning. We both slept on our sides, facing each other, with my arm under and around her to keep her from rolling onto her stomach. She would nurse to sleep at night and then nurse back to sleep whenever she awoke. I no longer had to get up to feed her. I would just latch her on, close my eyes, and drift a little while she nursed. Then we'd both go back to sleep. It was crazy easy compared to getting up at 2:00 a.m. and stumbling into my rocking chair in the other room. Neither she nor I had to actually wake up all the way. She never cried, because I'd feel her move around when she was waking up, and I'd respond before she even let out a single whimper.

Now, I'm not saying this situation was completely ideal. I know she wasn't actually hungry all of the times that she awoke, and I know I was just acting as a human pacifier much of the time. Some nights were worse than others, when I wouldn't get to sleep more than a half hour before waking again. Her pediatrician said I needed to let her "cry it out" and stop feeding her during the night once she turned 6 months old, but I just couldn't do it. I tried a few times out of desperation and exhaustion, but she wasn't cut out for the crying it out thing any more than I was. She got all worked up but wouldn't fall asleep. Her screams put me on edge and made my heart hurt with every cry.

And so she slept with us until just before she turned 14 months old. I was pregnant with my second daughter and needing to wean her--and I just couldn't do that while sharing a bed with her.

By then, I couldn't imagine not co-sleeping with baby #2. I loved the closeness. I loved not having to get up for feedings. I loved knowing that my baby was okay and in my arms every moment of the night. I know some people think it's not the safest option, but I can't imagine my children any safer anywhere else. They can't roll when they are positioned just so in my arms, and I am always aware of their presence, so I won't roll onto them either. (Actually, I absolutely hate being on my stomach, so I wouldn't roll over anyway.)

But we only have a queen-sized bed, and so I bought an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper to try with baby #2. I thought it was the perfect solution. Baby would still sleep next to me, but she'd have her own space and I'd have my own space. I'd still be able to nurse her to sleep and when she awoke, but I wouldn't feel her every move against me and perhaps I'd get a bit more sleep. We got it all set up and ready next to our bed, but we have yet to use it (and baby #2 is 4 1/2 months old).

Carys was born a co-sleeper. Even in the hospital, she wouldn't sleep unless she was snuggled in my arms and half on top of me. She needs to be close, hear my heart beat, feel my arms around her. Unfortunately, she's also turned into a wiggly sleeper, and so I'm still hoping to transition her into the co-sleeper at some point so that I don't wake as often throughout the night. But when I do, I'm sure I will miss having her truly in my arms all night.

I never meant to co-sleep, but now I can't imagine not doing it. Sure, it's exhausting sometimes, but then it'd be exhausting to get up to feed too. And sure, my husband and I like having our bed to ourselves, but this is only for a small slice of our life together. For us, the benefits outweigh the costs.

The "Car" movie and a little bit of Ibuprofin

I should have known something was up yesterday when Ashlinn spent most of the day wanting to sit on my lap or have me carry her around. She's always more snuggly when she's coming down with a cold or some sort of bug. By last night, she had a bit of a runny nose and a temperature of 101 degrees. Poor girl!

So today we watched Disney's Cars a couple times, a treat reserved for sick days like this. We don't actually own a television, but we do watch DVDs on my laptop from time to time. It's not that I'm anti-television, but we're just not really interested in it enough to have one around. But it's sure helpful when I'm trying to keep Ashlinn calm and resting and away from her sister, whom she loves to hug and smother in kisses.

Hopefully she'll feel better tomorrow. I hate seeing my little girl sick!

Can't wait for brownies

So, I made a yummy dinner tonight of chicken marinated and cooked in balsamic vinaigrette and rosemary, roasted zucchini and carrots with a bunch of different seasonings and a bit of parmesan cheese, and salad with olives and grape tomatoes. It was a big hit. But all I can think about is the brownies that I made for dessert (i.e., for after Ashlinn goes to bed, so that she won't ask for one--especially since she barely ate any of her dinner). I've been craving them all day. Can it be 8:30 yet?

Thoughts

Today I am in a pensive mood, but I can't seem to transfer any of my thoughts into coherent words on the screen. I'm thinking about life and death and legacies and purpose. I'm thinking about why I'm here and what I want my life to mean. I'm thinking about healing, forgiveness, and grace; the power of a kind word, a smile, and a listening ear; and the relationships I haven't cultivated as much as I should have. I'm thinking about giving and blessings and joy, and I'm thinking about peace and contentment in the face of uncertainty. I'm thinking about perfect love that drives out fear and faith that holds out hope.

Tired mommy

Neither of the girls slept much today. Ashlinn slept for about 20 minutes in the car, and Carys took a few 15-30 minute naps and then fussed for much of the afternoon and evening. This makes for one tired mommy. And so, as I sit here trying to think of something to write about, I find that my head is far too fuzzy to try to put words together to form coherent thoughts. And really, I just need to go to bed.

Good night! And sweet dreams to all!

Out of the mouths of babes

Ashlinn climbed up onto the couch today to sit next to me and Carys. "Awww, my two girls," she said. That's what I say when she snuggles up next to Carys or sits by her.

She's also coined a new word recently: momdy. This is what she calls me when she's being silly. Then I give her a silly look and say, "Who's momdy? I'm not momdy." And she giggles and insists that I am. So I tell her that daddy is momdy. And she shakes her head no and says, "Mommy's the momdy." It's funny because it's a game she initiates several times throughout the day and we both get really silly with it.

I love that girl. :)

Gratitude

This evening I was listening to Nichole Nordeman's song "Gratitude" from her Woven and Spun CD. It's been a long time since I've listened to this album, but hearing it again is like seeing an old-time friend. I always feel a tugging in my heart when I hear these lyrics:

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

How often do I thank God for the lessons that come with not getting what I have asked for? How often do I bless the sun when I've asked for rain? Lately, I've been longing for rain in my spirit--the fresh water that brings new life and hope and strength. But maybe God is giving me sun and more sun instead, and maybe it's for a reason. Maybe I need to stop and thank Him for the sun that warms my face in the absence of the rain I think I need.

The bridge of this song goes on to say this:

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

And isn't that the truth? Even what we often think we absolutely need is usually a world away from what we really do need. And here I often worry about these things as if God doesn't see me here and know what's going on in my life and what I need better than I do. The Bible says to look at the lilies of the field and see how God clothes them even though they do not work for it worry about it. God just takes care of them and gives them what they need, and they are beautiful and free.

And that's what I want for me. I want to be a lily, a grateful lily who isn't always worrying or yearning for something more but glorifies God as He provides in His wisdom and love. I want to be thankful for the sunshine and the rain, the shelter and the stars above, the laughter and fun and the moments that are difficult but build my character. I want to be thankful that I have been so blessed with so much more than I can fathom in my two sweet babies and the best husband a woman could ask for, even if some days make me want to pull out my hair and cry myself to sleep. And I am. I really am thankful. I really am blessed, and I know it. But these lyrics just remind me again just how blessed I am and that I often take for granted everything I have because there is always something more that I think I need...

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Neighborhood watch

If you happen to live in my neighborhood or on one of the several streets we frequent on our daily walks, you'll be happy to know that my daughter has become the neighborhood watch. She has memorized which cars go with which houses, and she notices when one is not in its proper driveway.

"Oh! The white truck is gone!" she said today. The white truck shares a driveway with the yellow car, and it's been home every time we've walked by over the past few months. The yellow car, however, has gone missing a few times before. Now every time we pass that house, I hear, "The yellow car went bye-bye. Now it's back."

Ashlinn also remembers which cars she's seen driven by "boys" and which she's seen driven by "girls." "That's the boy's truck," she says when we pass the big blue truck in one driveway. "A girl drives that car," she says when we pass the black car in another driveway.

Of course, she doesn't just recognize cars. She also knows where the dogs live, where the cats live, and where the two girls we saw playing outside one day last week live. When we don't see the girls outside, she tells me that they are "in the house eating dinner"--even though we usually walk in the morning. Come to think of it, that's also what she says when the little black dog isn't outside when we pass by its house.

All that to say... If any of our neighbors, their pets, or their cars go missing, we'll be on the case right away! And if any of our neighbors trade in their old cars for something new, I'm sure to hear about it for at least a week.

A quiet house

Both girls are sleeping at the same time, and I don't have any work assignments today. I almost don't know what to do with myself! Okay, so I know what I should do with myself. The dishes are piled in the sink, and toys are strewn all over the living room floor. Oh, and I haven't decided what we're doing for dinner yet. Whatever I make, it's going to have to be vegetarian, because we don't have any meat and I'm not planning to go to the store with the kids and no other adults.

And yet, I sit here blogging and reading Facebook updates and message board posts.

Motivation today: 0. Exhaustion level: 98%. Headache: check. Caffeine: sadly, not allowed. Chocolate* consumed: 1 large Costco muffin and 1 miniature peanut butter cup--so far. Minutes until my wonderful husband gets home to help me out with the kids: 75, plus or minus a few.

Okay, I'd better go scour the cupboards and figure out a dinner plan and then get some dishes done while I have the chance.


*Yes, I know, chocolate has caffeine in it. But it's a small amount, and I like to pretend that it's okay for me to have it.

A little about me

I suppose I never really introduced myself, so I thought I'd share a few tidbits about me now:

• I'm 27 years old.
• I traveled to Russia a few summers ago on a mission trip.
• I love taking and developing pictures, and I hope to someday have my own dark room.
  
• I'm a bit of a picky eater.
• I can't stand the taste of coffee, although I do like the smell of it.
• I majored in English in school and worked on my university's newspaper.
• I've been published in a couple of magazines and a devotional.
• My husband is my best friend by far, and I'm really lucky to have him in my life.
  
• I love Mexican food.
• I like sunflowers and gerbera daisies.
• I used to cross stitch.
• I'm pretty much addicted to chocolate.
• I drink 11 to 14 cups of water each day. Before I got pregnant with my first daughter, however, I could easily go all day without drinking any water.
• I like jazz music.
• I've always wanted to be a mommy when I grew up.
• Sometimes I don't like being all grown up.
• I stay home all day with my girls, and it's the hardest "job" I've ever had. But it's by far the best too!
• I can't whistle.
• I don't own a television. However, I do watch movies on my laptop from time to time.
  
• I'm a little OCD about sanitizing everything that raw meat or eggs have touched.
• I like to play board games, especially Balderdash, Imaginiff, Settlers of Catan, Apples to Apples, and Taboo.
• I love entertaining people in my home.
• I'm a book worm.
  
• My favorite restaurant is Olive Garden.
• Someday I want to visit Ireland, Italy, and Greece.
  
• I started my own online magazine when I was 16.
• I met my first online friend when I was 18.
• I'm a bargain shopper and hate to pay full price for anything.
  
• I live in Southern California, where it's January and in the 70s.
  

On being Super Mommy

I have a confession to make: I am not Super Mommy. I know this surprises you as much as it surprised me. But it's true. I've let my 4-month-old fuss for upwards of 10 or even 15 minutes while I tended to my older daughter. I've ignored my 2-year-old a few times. And I've let dishes sit in my sink for 2 1/2 days until I finally needed to wash forks because we ran out. Most of all, I've gotten overwhelmed more times than I can count.

Going from one to two children hasn't been easy for me. Maybe it's my severe lack of sleep and the fact that Carys would fuss until 2 or 3 a.m. for most of her first 2 1/2 months while Ashlinn usually started her morning at 7. Maybe it's the fact that the girls are so close in age and Ashlinn is in the stage of testing boundaries and figuring out her world. Maybe it's the fact that I only took 2 weeks off work before diving back into freelancing and I had already been on my own with the kiddos all day for a week by that point. And maybe it's just my postpartum hormones trying to balance out and failing miserably. Either way, it didn't take me long to find that my juggling skills would not likely get me a job in the circus anytime soon (which, incidentally, means I probably shouldn't run away).

I've heard lots of people say that adding a second child is really not that hard and that the real change comes from adding the first child. Maybe they know a secret I don't, or maybe they are just better moms than I am. Or maybe it depends on your children, I don't know. All I know is that at 2 1/2 months postpartum, I had my first anxiety attack and ended up in the ER because I had no idea what was going on with my body and thought something terrible must be happening. I was later diagnosed with postpartum depression/anxiety.

Until that moment, I had thought I was handling everything fine. I was proud of myself for getting back to work so quickly, running so well on so little sleep, and taking really good care of my kids in the process. I mean, yes, it was challenging, but I really thought I was doing fine with it. Unfortunately, my body wasn't designed to get 4 hours of broken-up sleep a night for 2 1/2 months straight, and my hormones weren't really on my side either. And so I crashed.

Now it's been another almost 2 months, and I'm slowly starting to feel like myself again. I took a couple weeks off work. I'm getting more rest and taking more walks to get out in the sunshine and get some exercise. And I'm taking some medicine, even though I hated to take that route and put it off for several weeks.

It's been humbling to realize that I can't do it all. I can't do and be everything I want to for my kids, my husband, my work, my friends, my family, etc. Mostly I can't be everything I want to be for myself, because really I'm the one who expects all of this from myself--not anyone else. But I can be what I can be, what God grants me the strength to be--and that's all that I really need to be.

And so I'm trying to let go of the expectation that I will be able to do it all. Now my goal is to truly enjoy being home with my sweet kiddos, be present when I'm with my wonderful husband, and keep a balanced perspective on all of the other demands. Lastly, I'm trying to cut myself some slack and keep a positive and joyful attitude. I may not be Super Mommy, but that's ok...for the most part. :)

Ever heard a 2-year-old say "ting tang, walla walla bing bang"? It's pretty cute -- especially when said toddler is supposed to be taking a nap but is singing in her crib instead.

So, when I took Ashlinn to the doctor last week for her well baby visit, the questionnaire they had me fill out in the beginning asked if my child could put two words together to form a sentence. While we were in the room, she said "I have a gown like sister's" (they were both there for well baby visits), "I put my shoes on the chair," and "Look, it's the car movie" (they had stickers on the wall from Disney's Cars). Yeah, I'd say she can put two words together.

The questionnaire also asked if she knew at least 20 words. I'm pretty sure she said 20 words just while we were there. I guess I have a chatterbox on my hands. But I wouldn't have it any other way! I love listening to her learn new words and use them in the proper contexts later on. She's getting so big and learning so much so quickly -- even how to sing silly songs when she's supposed to be going to bed.

Bed time trauma

The highlights of being a mom do not include putting an unhappy toddler to bed and listening to her scream and cry for 40 minutes. It makes me so sad to hear her crying, "Mommmmmmyyyy" repeatedly and have to ignore her because I've already rocked her and hugged her and kissed her multiple times and fetched her sippy cup for her and given her a fair number of books to "read" herself to sleep. And she really needs to sleep because she has already dived off the deep end into delirium and tears.

Thankfully, this is not the scenario every night. Often, she happily goes to her crib, stuffed animal "friends" and sippy cup in hand. We pray together, and she thanks God for a whole lineup of people, her house, grandma's house, her bed, grandma's bed, her doors, grandma's doors, etc. She kisses us and hugs us goodnight, and we tell her we love her and leave the room. Well, okay, we usually have to pretend like we are leaving before she decides to give us the hugs and kisses. But the point is that she doesn't always cause such a scene.

However, when she doesn't want to go to bed... That's another story. She'll try whatever excuse she can come up with to keep herself from having to go to sleep. Last night, she actually asked us to cut her fingernails in hopes that it would delay bed time! Unfortunately, she went to bed still needing them cut, but she sure didn't want them cut in the morning. At least we know she is creative and resourceful when making up excuses. That will serve her well later in life, I'm sure.

A new year, a new blog

So, last night as we were ringing in the new year with some frozen banana cream pie, a bottle of sparkling apple cider, and the movie Julie & Julia, I realized how much I missed blogging every day. I started my first blog almost 10 years ago, and I actually wrote in it regularly for a couple years. However, all of my recent attempts to write more often than once a month or so have failed miserably.

What can I say? I take care of my 2-year-old and 4-month-old all day, I freelance edit from home during naps and in the evenings, and I try (somewhat successfully at times) to keep my house in some semblance of order. When do I really have time to blog? Well, we'll see... But I'm going to give it a shot and try to blog every day this year. My 2-year-old says the funniest things all the time, and I really do want to write them down so that I'll remember them later when I need to embarrass her--I mean, when I want to tell her how cute she was as a toddler.

So, if you want to join me for story hour or you just have lots of free time (enjoy it while you can, if you do!) and are browsing the Internet aimlessly, you're welcome to drop in and see what this mommy and her kiddos are up to each day.