A difficult time

On Friday morning, my mother-in-law went home to be with Jesus. She'd had surgery the previous Monday to fix a tear in her aorta, and it had gone well. We talked to her on Tuesday night via webcam, and she looked and sounded great. That night, they moved her from the ICU to another recovery room, and they were going to release her on Friday or Saturday. But Friday morning, her aorta ruptured and they weren't able to save her.

It feels so surreal even writing this. Both of my grandmothers are still alive, and yet my daughters have already lost one of theirs. It seems so unfair. I'm sad that my daughters will never really know their nana and probably won't remember her on their own, although we will definitely surround them with pictures of her and stories about her. I'm sad for my husband who will miss her so much. I'm sad for my father-in-law who was married to her for 29 years and loved her more than most husbands love their wives. I'm sad for my two sisters-in-law who no longer have their mom around to share in their lives. And I'm sad that I have no more time left to grow closer to her. We were just starting to truly enjoy each other's company over the last couple years, and I'm really grateful for that, but I wish so much that we'd had the time to grow even closer.

We spent some time up with the family during the past few days and will go back again for the memorial service next week. It was easier being there. We were strong for the others and helped where we could. We looked at pictures and laughed over the funny stories. We were surrounded with family and love. But it's harder at home for some reason.... I feel sad, and I know my husband feels that much more sad. We know she's in heaven with Jesus, we know we'll see her again some day, and we know she had a great impact in a lot of people's lives here. But we miss her and mourn all the moments she will not be part of here on earth....