Why I co-sleep

It's kind of like being part of an underground cult--the co-sleeping cult. Mention that your child sleeps with you, and you're likely to get raised eyebrows in return. Your pediatrician will probably tell you that it's "not advisable" and that the safest place for a baby to sleep is on his or her back in a crib. Your neighbor will probably ask you how you know that you won't roll over onto your baby as you sleep, and your other neighbor will probably tell you that once you let your kid into your bed, you'll never get her out.

Actually, lots of people do co-sleep these days, and several doctors are for it. Some even say that it's safer then having your baby sleep by himself or herself in a crib and that babies who co-sleep usually grow into more independent children than those who sleep by themselves. I don't know if that's true or not, but I do know that it works best for my family.

I never planned to co-sleep. I figured that I would keep my babies in a bassinet and then move them into a crib maybe in my room for a while before moving them into their own room. I liked the idea of them being near me, where I could hear them and easily check on them. But I was too nervous to actually let them in my bed. As luck would have it, my first daughter was a super sleepy newborn and slept easily in her bassinet for her first 2 1/2 months of life. Then she stopped sleeping so well, and during a particularly difficult night around when she was about 3 months old, my husband suggested that we just bring her to bed with us for the rest of the night. And that was that. She spent almost the whole next year sleeping in my arms.

Co-sleeping was so easy in the beginning. We both slept on our sides, facing each other, with my arm under and around her to keep her from rolling onto her stomach. She would nurse to sleep at night and then nurse back to sleep whenever she awoke. I no longer had to get up to feed her. I would just latch her on, close my eyes, and drift a little while she nursed. Then we'd both go back to sleep. It was crazy easy compared to getting up at 2:00 a.m. and stumbling into my rocking chair in the other room. Neither she nor I had to actually wake up all the way. She never cried, because I'd feel her move around when she was waking up, and I'd respond before she even let out a single whimper.

Now, I'm not saying this situation was completely ideal. I know she wasn't actually hungry all of the times that she awoke, and I know I was just acting as a human pacifier much of the time. Some nights were worse than others, when I wouldn't get to sleep more than a half hour before waking again. Her pediatrician said I needed to let her "cry it out" and stop feeding her during the night once she turned 6 months old, but I just couldn't do it. I tried a few times out of desperation and exhaustion, but she wasn't cut out for the crying it out thing any more than I was. She got all worked up but wouldn't fall asleep. Her screams put me on edge and made my heart hurt with every cry.

And so she slept with us until just before she turned 14 months old. I was pregnant with my second daughter and needing to wean her--and I just couldn't do that while sharing a bed with her.

By then, I couldn't imagine not co-sleeping with baby #2. I loved the closeness. I loved not having to get up for feedings. I loved knowing that my baby was okay and in my arms every moment of the night. I know some people think it's not the safest option, but I can't imagine my children any safer anywhere else. They can't roll when they are positioned just so in my arms, and I am always aware of their presence, so I won't roll onto them either. (Actually, I absolutely hate being on my stomach, so I wouldn't roll over anyway.)

But we only have a queen-sized bed, and so I bought an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper to try with baby #2. I thought it was the perfect solution. Baby would still sleep next to me, but she'd have her own space and I'd have my own space. I'd still be able to nurse her to sleep and when she awoke, but I wouldn't feel her every move against me and perhaps I'd get a bit more sleep. We got it all set up and ready next to our bed, but we have yet to use it (and baby #2 is 4 1/2 months old).

Carys was born a co-sleeper. Even in the hospital, she wouldn't sleep unless she was snuggled in my arms and half on top of me. She needs to be close, hear my heart beat, feel my arms around her. Unfortunately, she's also turned into a wiggly sleeper, and so I'm still hoping to transition her into the co-sleeper at some point so that I don't wake as often throughout the night. But when I do, I'm sure I will miss having her truly in my arms all night.

I never meant to co-sleep, but now I can't imagine not doing it. Sure, it's exhausting sometimes, but then it'd be exhausting to get up to feed too. And sure, my husband and I like having our bed to ourselves, but this is only for a small slice of our life together. For us, the benefits outweigh the costs.